CONFIRMATION CAMP 2010
I remember feeling not excited at all a day before camp. I was complaining about how much I didnt want to go. I didnt feel anything. When to church at around 2.10pm and I was still feeling moody. Got into the same bus with all the girls and I was in the same room with Sonia and Nat :) Good enough I thoought.There was this game called 'Martin Says'. I remember grinding the whole time when MJ kept saying he's going to win but I was like hah I'll prove you wrong tonight. Here's why. The evening I went to Matthew Bates's house? Well before I left, he sorta told me something about something MJ's gonna do for Confirmation Camp. Matt said he would play 'Martin Says' and when he starts? He'll ask everyone to stand and that I should sit down. Well I did sit down. Honestly, I was one of the slowest to stand up. Why did I stand? Because MJ looked at me as if 'ehh dey something wrong with her' LOL. So I stand la and the moment I stand, I told Nat ' Nat, I think we should sit because he didnt say MJ Says.' Nat was like 'aiya not yet started la' but then I was thinking about what Matt told me that day. Then suddenly "I TOLD YOU I WON ALL OF YOU" said MJ. That was when I went 'DAMNIT' I should have sat down. HAHAHAHH. Moving on,I was pretty much negative on the first day. Even when we all met Martin Jalleh. I was sitting down, in front there, not really laughing at his jokes on the first night. I knew MJ realized something about me. Not being perasan or anything but I sensed it. Anyways, MJ got me laughing like hell when he used me as an example as 'Mary (me)' when the angel came down and said that I got pregnant, "Praise the Lord" HAHAHA. Anyways the second day was more of me being reflective since I couldnt sleep the night before, I did some thinking la. I remembered the water balloons thingy :) that was really funny. That night, everyone had to rush to go shower. The girl's toilet was packed so Sonia and I decided to go play basketball with Cal and Amos. Little did I know, I cut myself with Amos's nametag. LOL. I have a bandage on my pinky now :)
Before going for Confirmation Camp, I remember hearing all the past senoirs telling me that it'll be the best camp ever. That I'll cry so much and I'll go home feeling different. On the starting of the camp, I was already doubting what they told me. But in the end, they were right. Everyone said Saturday night would be the highlight of the camp. Inner Healing it was called.
Lights were switched off and we were all seperate at a distance in the dark. Music played and there on the wall, Jesus on the cross. Feeling so vulnerable. MJ started talking. The more he did, the more I cried. I put myself into the words he used. I needed to ask for forgiveness. I needed to forgive. I needed to be thankful,to feel God's love. I was always the one who caused everything. I was always the one to hurt. It was always me. Then only did I realized that God knows what I've been going through. That he went through so much more than I did. I realized that I always blamed myself for everything that happened. I took everything into account. I realized that I've hurt others and that others have hurt me. Everything was there, right in my head and MJ was saying it all out. I've never cried that hard with people around me. I've never cried that hard. I've never felt more thankful than before. Everything. I felt it there. Happiness, peace,sadness, anger. I felt it all. I've never felt so different. It was as if really, God was there. He was. I know Im not usually the holy one and all but really, I felt His presence and that was what amazed me a lot. Its really funny how I can think about my past hurts and not cry anymore eversince camp ended, because I always cry when those thoughts come up in my mind. I feel so at peace. I'll always continue to pray that whatever happened that Saturday night will continue to make me a better person. Why? Because my whole aim for this camp is for me to change and become a new me. A more positive one. I remember hugging Esther and Sonia. I remember hugging everyone else. Crying in the dark, hearing other people's pain. I could hear Ezra's cry. It was the time to let go. It was the time for all of us I suppose. Sister Theresa came up to me and prayed over me. The more I cried. It was a beautiful night. It really was.
After that, we had mass. Yes it was a mass late in the night. Pretty much my first. Then after that, we all played uno and sang to the songs Cal played on his guitar. Stupid Abel was running around with a cricket in his hand. A cricket I tell you. Wrote letters before going to bed :')
Next day was pretty much laid back. A talk on sex edu by MJ? LOL. Makan makan and singing songs :') I teared up to every single song we sang the whole 3 days. Really I did. The Power of Love. That was beautiful and then came to You Raise Me Up. That song reminded me of mom and dad. I couldnt helped but cry throughout the whole song and the fact that we had to sing it in front of our parents? I didnt want them to see me crying. I did cry anyways. Standing there on that stage with all my close friends around me. We cried and sing together. Holding each other's hands and just being there for each other, we cried.
Mommy came. It was good :) I remember walking towards her and just crying on her shoulder
telling her how sorry I was. I couldnt stop saying sorry. I just cried. I felt really good after everything though. Walked around the hall hugging some parents and my friends. Hugs. Then right before I left the hall. I went up to Martin. Gave him a hug and said thank you. The things he told me at that moment. I'll never forget. He is one of them and people like him are so rare these days because they can see through you, how you are really feeling. Thank you Martin.
Thanks guys for writing me letters:) I really appreciate them. Your letters brought humour and sense of love to me :) ILY you guys :')
Thank you parents committee for everything. Really.
Thanks Es, for walking with me.
Thank you everyone.
Its not the funnest camp ? But it was the most spiritual and beneficial camp I've ever been too.
BTW we made some new friends from the chinese section side eh? ;) hahaha
*pokes Sonia*
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